As the days get hotter
My patience wears thinner
I snap and
I groan and
In pain and joy
With the stress and the weight
Of all that is changing in and around me
Only to be remolded and strengthened
Then broken again
As He refines me
He is my strength
In this time I feel so weak and helpless
He works through my husband and daughter
To bring me special happiness and joy each day
He carries us
As we strive to carry each other’s burdens
And makes His face to shine on us
As we search Him out in every circumstance
How blessed are we as we go through trials
Because in hardship we are grow closer to Him
We just passed the 30 week mark in our pregnancy and are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our new little one come January! But the waiting in this time is getting harder. It’s getting hotter every day as we enter into the hot season. Thankfully, God has been giving some reprieve with the little rain showers spattered through the last few days. I find myself more tired than usual, which makes leaving the house a difficulty.
But I find that when I do, it relieves even just a bit of my tension. I still am getting frustrated with how slowly my language learning is coming along. I feel like I’m at the tail end of the pack. But when I do go out, with Jeremy and Phin, and I see our beautiful daughter running joyfully with the other little ones in the neighborhood, I feel joy…and relief…and a weight leaving my shoulders. And as I relax in the midst of conversation I don’t understand, I start to hear things that I do, then I start to slowly follow along, and eventually I try and form (albeit not always grammatically the best) a sentence or 2 to contribute. And I walk home with a smile in my mind.
Last week we had a seminar about storying…telling stories from the Word that are internalized and accurate to the Word, that can be told and repeated while maintaining their accuracy. A bad description of what “storying” is, but here, and in other, verbally based cultures, stories are an important part of the culture. The seminar was greatly informative and helpful, but I became so overwhelmed. The second day, we invited some local friends to join us and learn a story and practice it with us…all in the local language. I already feel behind in language, and so when it came time to practice, I had a complete breakdown and could not stop crying to even get passed the first 2 sentences…I was ready to give up and never speak another word in the local language again…
But I made myself practice alone at home, and 2 days later, leaning heavily on Jeremy, we told the story to our friend over lunch…it took a long time, I spoke very slowly, stumbling over almost every phrase. But we did it! I felt embarrassed but at the same time, really good! It gave me hope and made me realize that maybe I do know more of the language than I can verbally produce on the spot, but, it is there somewhere.
As we get ready to travel to Kenya to have the baby, and will be gone until the baby comes and we get all the paperwork and passport stuff sorted out. I will admit some relief because of the heat and the pain, but at the same time I am not excited to be leaving our friends here, our neighbors, the relationships that have been growing…
And that gives me joy.