bit of a shift

bit of a shift

One thing that I’ve realized about myself over time is that although I put on this air of not caring about what others think, the truth is that I care incredibly much. Sometimes that means that I only put a partial picture display for others to see, and keep the aches on the inside. The difficulty of course is that it’s not REAL. I don’t think Noah would approve. 🙂 So, you may detect a bit of a shift in the tone of my writing.


If you didn’t hear, we officially moved in with Melissa’s parents in Glenwood, Iowa. They’re good people… the kind that you love to hang out with and relax with no agenda. It’s gorgeous out here to boot! I’ll put some pictures up later. Sadly, it’s hard being further away from all of our friends and family in Omaha, but thankfully the added peace and quiet has enabled us to focus more on our preparations.

The last year and a half, Melissa and I were living with my brother Gabe and his wife Nicole. You learn a lot of things when you live with other people. Among other things, I learned the value and importance of good communication and mutual respect. I also learned that I can be a pretty selfish person. It was an amazingly wonderful and rich experience, however, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Love you, bro. 🙂

sunset lesotho

So, I’m learning a lot about expectations lately. Looking back, I think that I expected the support raising process to be easier, and less uncertain. Now that we have 1/10th of the time left that we started with, while still needing over 70% of our monthly support, I know differently.

When those expectations didn’t turn out as planned, my default was to blame myself. It’s easy for me to see what we could have done better. But then again hindsight is always 20/20. When I consider other factors than the support that hasn’t come in, I can see that many things have gone wonderfully well. So many have expressed exuberance and excitement about our trip and about supporting us. God has seemingly arranged numerous meetings and opportunities for us to speak with others, and always when it seems like we are depressed or discouraged, someone is there with a bright word.

phin eating happy

And so I find myself in this strange place. It feels like a roller coaster, where I start getting frustrated and discouraged about the idea that things may not come together… there’s so much doubt and uncertainty, particularly because God doesn’t seem to want to reveal to me everything that he has planned (grrr… ;)) But when I’m feeling low, there’s always comfort that I can hold on to hope, and trust that He knows the way, no matter what lies ahead, and someone inevitably comes and speaks encouragement to me.

I know I don’t say it much, but I really appreciate it.

I think it was about 5 years ago that my Pastor asked me to select a picture to define what I wanted my walk with God to look like, and I remember that this was the picture that I chose.


At the end of the day, when the anticipation, excitement and doubt rests, it’s exciting to know that God is carefully leading us by the hand into the unknown. Somehow, I know that everything will work out alright.

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